Top Ten Reason I Haven’t Been Posting Lately

It’s obvious I haven’t been posting lately considering I only wrote one post in July. Here’s why, or maybe I should say, here are my excuses:

(10) I’m lazy.  No wait. Actually I’m not. That little voice in my head, the one that sounds like my mother, it says that I’m lazy. All the time. But it’s not true.

(9) I get easily distracted.

(8) I have needy friends. Okay, they’re not needy, but I need them which means I need to nurture those relationship. This one includes taking care of Ms. BlackBeary, my cat, who is eighteen years old, and a very demanding ol’ lady.

(7) I have a 9-to-5 job that requires my attention.

(6) I do need to eat and sleep. Contrary to that little voice, you know the one, I have to spend time on things besides blogging, things like eating, cleaning (myself and the condo), exercising. Sleeping.

(5) I’m in the middle of repainting my condo. Yes, and during a heat wave at that.

(4) Sometimes, I just don’t feel like sharing. Not today, obviously, but sometimes I’m just not in that place where I want to tell all to whomever is listening.

(3) I’ve been reading. Not only am I a member of a book club, but I read because I’m a writer. And because I enjoy it. Sometimes after everything else going on in my life, I need a refuge from the real world, a place to escape.

(2) I’ve been editing and re-editing, tweaking and wordsmithing a submission to a literary magazine. True by all accounts. I am a perfectionist, and so, even on the last read through, I was still changing things. It took me a  good three weeks to be sort’ov happy with a five thousand word submission. So you can imagine what my novel writing obsessions are like.  And yes, I finally let it out of my nit-picking little hands. I set it free. And I’m still having doubts about it.

(1) I’ve been writing, working on my current project.

Things My Mother Taught Me

In June, I’ll be attending the Santa Barbara Writers Conference, and they’re having a pre-conference contest for Mothers’ Day. In 500 words, or less, write a story titled Things My Mother Taught Me. I wish I could have written a happy, flowery, my-mother-was-the-greatest story, but I couldn’t.

scan003My mother taught me a lot of things. I still have phobias from some of them. But she also forced me to be self reliant. I know I can survive. Year ago, before she died, I forgave my mother because I know she didn’t mean to be the way she was, but that doesn’t change history. And it didn’t change her. Only me.

The following is my contest entry. I doubt I’ll win because most people buy into the fallacy that all mothers are good people.

They’re not.

~ o ~

I tell people that I was born 35-years old, that I have been an adult for as long as I can remember, but that’s not true. I was young once.

Maybe it was childish immaturity, or maybe I never put it all together until that day when I was eleven. My mother had just pulled a batch of biscuits from the oven, and just as if it were something she said every day, just so matter-of-factly, she said the words. I have to love your brother more because your father loves you more. She said I was her second choice of her two children.

It didn’t really matter why. I stopped hearing long before the because. I stood paralyzed, not realizing tears were running down my face until I felt them seep between my lips, until I tasted that saline flavored shame. Sometimes, even now, I tear up when I smell biscuits baking.

For the next three decades, I tried to earn my mother’s love, but none of my efforts were good enough. If you get all “A”s … If you work your way through college … If you get an important job… If you pay my rent every month… If, if, if. If I was just good enough. I was so desperate for her love that I would do anything for her, give anything to her. I would have let her take my last breath.

“I need $3000 to have my teeth fixed,” she said one night, her voice shrill over the phone lines between Atlanta and Seattle. Like we had a bad connection.

I had just moved to Seattle, and what with moving expenses, higher rent, and a car payment for the first time in ten years, groceries were sometimes optional. Besides her teeth weren’t the issue. She wanted money, and I was her personal ATM. Not handing it over made me a disappointment, a terrible daughter. At her knee I had learned the weight of that disappointment, had been indoctrinated into the cult of the narcissistic parent. Had been programmed until the synapses in my brain automatically translated her need into love.

I need translated into I care about you.

I want became look how much I love you.

I don’t want to be a burden meant you’re being a problem.

None of it was true, but I chose to believe it, at least then.

“I don’t have it,” I said.

A hurtful silence came from the other end of the line, making me wait so my heart could voice a thousand self-incriminations. I knew that if I were a good daughter, I’d have $3000 just waiting for her to need it.

“I always knew you were worthless,” she said, slamming her phone down.

She had said it so many times before, too many to count, but for some reason, that day as the severed connection whined in my ears, I realized I wasn’t worthless. I am not worthless.

I am good enough. Good enough. For me.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

Today, I received notice from VikToryArch that I was nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award for my 3 Biggest Reasons It’s Good to be Indie post.

 

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First let me say thank you, VikToryArch.

But with the nomination comes the duty to display the award and pay it forward to fifteen other bloggers whom I admire. I choose not to enforce the chaining part of the requirements on those I nominate. It’s their decision whether to continue the chain. Or not. I’m perfectly happy either way.

This is just my way to say thank you for entertaining me and inspiring me.

So here we go.

These links will take you to sites by friends and authors who inspire me.

Old friends

Lisa Poisso

(my editor and friend)

Scott Wyatt

Martin Hengst

including his latest post:

5 Tips for Success as an Indie Writer

S.A.Molteni’s And So It Begins…

Gisela’s Straightforward Blog

Melissa Bowersock’s Wordlovers

Indies Unlimited

which hosts a ton of authors and great information

and

Master Koda

And some new friends

Bob Mayer’s Write on the River

JRBarker 101

Books are Delicious!

toofulltowrite

Often Clueless, Always Shoeless

(stole her idea for character interviews)

Daily (w)rite

Elodie Under Glass 

(not about writing, but great place for writing ideas)

and #16 — yes, I’m cheating — VikToryArch (back’atcha)

ReBlog: Ten Ways to Increase Traffic to Your WordPress Blog

Great article on how to draw more traffic to your WordPress blog.

Books are Delicious!

Yesterday, was my blog’s one-month blogaversary and the biggest surprise of my day was logging in and seeing that Books are Delicious had reached 600 followers.  Winter Bayne and Ameliaormia have asked me how I managed to get so many followers so quickly and wanted to know if I had any tips. I’m no expert, but here are some of the things I have done to increase traffic to my blog.

1897710_10152398869302533_1366704020826944618_n This Bitstrip my husband made shows just how persistent I can be.

1.Be a Follower: Find blogs similar to your own and follow them. Whenever I see a list of book bloggers or author blogs, I always check them out and add the ones I like. I will also go to the WP Reader and run a search for ‘book reviews’ and ‘author’ to find new blogs that interest me. In addition to finding great new blogs, many of…

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