Today at BlackBeary Condo – If you’d just learn to…

There’s a mystery that BlackBeary can’t solve, an absolute horror she can’t wrap her mind around. And no matter how hard she tries, no matter how brilliant she is, she has yet to decipher exactly why it happens so often. Or even once, for that matter.

Every morning her human pulls herself from bed and staggers into the cold-hard room that’s attached to the bedroom. Her human then strips off her night-clothes, pulls back a double curtain, fiddles with a silver knob on the wall, waits a few minutes, and then… and then BlackBeary’s world tips on its side and the absurd becomes real.

Her human steps into a spray of water. Yes. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWater. She willingly steps into a spray of water.

But the real craziness is that her human apparently doesn’t mind. She seems to enjoy it, and it baffles BlackBeary that anyone or anything would voluntarily step into water when they don’t have to.

BlackBeary shivers remembering the times, few though they were, when her human bathed her the stupid human way. Her human would say all the nice words, coaxing BlackBeary with sweet sounds and sometimes with treats, lulling her into a false sense of security. And then wham, before BlackBeary had fully realized what was happening, her human had picked her up and headed for a sink full of water. Despite using all her strength, despite spreading her arms and legs as far as they could reach, despite holding onto the edges of the sink, despite screaming as loud as catly possible, eventually BlackBeary’s muscles tired and she ended up in the warm, soapy water.

During those moments, if she could have, BlackBeary would have killed her human. Because the only thing worse than being shoved into a sink full of warm water is coming out soaking wet, all cold and defeated. And then… and then being towel dried. Like that helps. Like a warm towel is a panacea for all the awfulness that had just occurred.

But even with those foul memories surfacing at the sight of her human standing under the spray of water, often times BlackBeary will peek around the back of the curtains hanging in the cold-hard room, will meow out a warning to her human. Because deep down she loves her human. After all, who else gives her Fancy Feast twice a day? After all, there are far more evil people in this world. That Kathleen is a perfect example.

When the love for her human outweighs her disgust at what her human is doing, BlackBeary’ll shove her face around the curtains, and giving her human the sad kitty eyes, she will say, There’s no need to do that. If you’d just learn to lick yourself… Come out of there. It’s just crazy.

Rekindling the Fire

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Today, I went with a friend down to Pike Market. There they have this wonderful little witchy shop called Tenzing Momo. I go there every time I’m at the market, but because I was with a friend, I hadn’t planned on getting a tarot reading today. Having known me for a very long time, my friend suggested that I go ahead and get a reading, that she could easily entertain herself for half an hour in the market.

If you’ve ever had a card reading, or two, you know every reader has his/her own style. Add into equation the fact that I read cards, not professionally, but for fun, and, well, I just never know what I’m going to get. I’ve had some really good readings and some really silly — I won’t say bad, because, just  because — readings. Today’s was good.

As Tansy, in An Untold Want, says reading tarot cards is akin to pagan psychology. The cards are there to help the recipient of the reading get in touch with his/herself. The reader is (or should be) more of a guide.

We started out today with the reader asking my birth sign, Leo. She was surprised, said that it felt like I was more of a Water sign than a Fire sign. I don’t know that much about astrology, but I went with it. We talked for awhile about possible reasons. She said that I was allowing the Water in me to dampen down my Fire. What she said felt true. For a long time, I’ve felt like I have to suppress my personality to fit in. To make others happy instead of myself.

She then laid out the tarot cards. The beginning card was The Star and ending card was The Sun. In the picture I’ve posted, the cards are from the deck I use, the Nigel Jackson Tarot.  The reader at Tenzing Momo used a different deck. Sometimes the deck matters. Most times it doesn’t.  But even if you know nothing about tarot cards, you can probably surmise that these are both good cards.

There is a ton of symbolism in each image. So many things that can be interpreted, from the card number to the colors, to the elements represented, to the animals or scenery in the background. When you read the cards, all these things can be taken into account, or the reader can go with a general idea of what the card means to them. That’s why the deck matters sometimes. Anyway, I’ll give you the short version. In general The Star represents inspiration and renewed hope, while The Sun is all about the power of the light after a period of darkness. About regaining the fire.

About regaining the fire that I’ve quenched for too long worrying about what others want or need, putting their needs ahead of mine.

The reader said one other thing that really stuck with me. She said that I don’t have to produce anything. Not unless I want to.

I know it sounds silly that this was such a revelation, but sometimes I need someone to hit me over the head with it before I see what’s right in front of me. Lately I’ve been feeling so weighed down, worrying about this or that. Worrying about a promotion or a raise or just how I appear. [I have a lot of Maggie MacAllister in me, or vice-versa.] Worrying that I won’t be able to please everyone. Worrying that I can’t be all things to all people.

What I really need to do is write. Not because I have to. Not because I should do it. Just because I want to. Because it’s something that I enjoy, something that I do for me.

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If you’d like to know more about Tarot cards/readings, this is a good place to start:  http://www.ata-tarot.com/resource/cards/

Or if you just want to play around with a reading or three, without having to buy a deck of cards or pay for a reading, this is a really good site:  http://www.facade.com/tarot/